Chloe is approaching 15 months old (where does time go!?) and I am getting ready to ween her off nursing. Looking back on the past 15 months and everything I had to go through to get here, I felt the need to share my breastfeeding experience.
My sister was a total breastfeeding pro. I remember getting so excited at my baby shower when I received the nursing cover I registered for. I started talking to my sister about what pump I should buy. I was SO offended when she told me "you know, breastfeeding isnt for everyone." "Ya right" i thought! I had envisioned myself being that picture perfect mom we all see nursing her child. Calm, cool, and collected nursing wherever she happened to be. I could not have been more far off!!!!
The first day home from the hospital I woke up with a wet shirt. "Whoohoo!" I woke my husband up with excitement. My milk had come in (and pretty fast I might add). I was ready to fulfill my duty of feeding my baby. Since this was the first real time I was nursing her without any nurses assistance, I tried to remain confident. I tried for about 10 toe curling minutes to get Chloe to latch on. Finally she did. She nursed for a good amount of time and immediately was asleep again. Awesome I thought, I got this. Well, she slept for a good 3 to 4 hours every time after she nursed. I called the hospital in a panic. (Advice-NEVER EVER google anything!!! I googled "why newborn naps so long" and the results I got almost scared me to death!) The nurses chuckled and said she was completely fine and take advantage of this wonderful sleeping baby, because most moms aren't so lucky. The problem with the 4 hour naps was my painfully large and engorged chest. I thought nothing of it until my sister came to take newborn photos. I showed her just to double check it was normal and right when i saw her reaction I knew it wasnt. She told me I needed to pump immediately because of the engorgement. All I had was a little hand held pump. I will NEVER forget the pain from that thing! Since I was so engorged, each pump brought tears to my eyes. I pumped out about 8 ounces total.
I did not know what to do! There was no way I could continue to abuse myself like this, it was literally more painful than the birth itself! I called every mom, nurse, and lactation consultant I could get a hold of. I had too much milk!!! If I tried to nurse left and right in one feeding it would not work. If I tried to nurse just one side at a time, I was painfully lop sided. Each person I spoke with said "Oh what a great problem to have!" Yes i thought, it is, but it is still a problem! Finally, I got a electric pump and that made a huge difference. I would nurse, pump, nurse, pump, and so on. My whole day was consumed with nursing and pumping. In the mornings, I would fill up two 10 oz bottles. Yup, thats 20 ounces total! Our freezer was packed with milk. I called my sister-in-law in tears! "My whole day revolves around the pump. I cant go anywhere for more than an hour because my chest fills up so quickly and hurts!" The amazing advice she gave me was that my sanity matters too. What great advice! On top of the vision i had instilled in my mind about what breast feeding was suppose to be like was the fact that when you are pregnant, you hear over and over about how healthy breastfeeding is. There was no way I was not going to give my baby the best possible thing out there. I told myself it would get better and I stuck with it. About 1 month in I got mastitis. We were at a friends house and I just felt downright awful! I had a horrible fever and the body aches were unbearable. Whenever Chloe would latch on, I would just cry from the pain. After getting over mastitis, my poor nipples were so raw and so chapped. The lactation consultant told me I had to strictly pump or else my nipple would detach (sorry for all the gory details! Hope this can help someone else one day!) I was so bummed! But at least my daughter was still getting breast milk I thought and like my sister-in-law said, my sanity was important!
I exclusively pumped till she was about 3 1/2 months old. It was definitely not the convenient route. Cleaning the equipment, cleaning the bottles, sitting down and pumping, but seeing a chubby and healthy little girl made it all worth it! When Chloe was about 4 months old, and I was all healed up, I tried to nurse her. I remember feeling no stress at all! If it didn't work, fine, I already had a nice little system going. I don't know if all the pressure I took off myself helped, but she took right back to it! I still had to pump a little just to slowly deplete my milk supply.
She has successfully nursed since.
Like my sister said, "NURSING IS NOT FOR EVERYONE." I am not discouraging nursing in ANY way!! I think it is great and healthy! But, I do not believe it is this wonderful and natural experience that should just be assumed. I think the only reason I stuck with it after going through all that was because of all the support I had around me. I am not kidding when I tell people that for me, it was the hardest part of the whole baby process. I would be pregnant again and give birth again 10 times to not have to go through those first couple months.
I hope that if anyone has the same problems I had this post will help out a little bit! I did not find one person that had gone through what I did. I always joked that I could have written a book with my experiences!
